Friday, December 31, 2010

Are you Skype-hot? (Or, The Victory of the Pear)

Skype-hot
[skahyp -(ht)] adj. informal: hot/attractive from the shoulders or neck up
variation: Skype-hotty (adj) (antonym: Skype-dog)

I've discovered (invented) a new word. Like most words, it was borne due to a need in the language for a description of a certain slice of reality. Here's how I came upon this need:

Situation 1: On Christmas day, I was happily heading towards the brunch table, when a relative of mine sidled up to me. He started talking about his daughter's diet, how she had "ballooned up to 195" but was now down to a decent weight, and still headed in the right direction. I nodded at him, and thought it sweet that he was such a doting dad. He trailed off, for some reason, and left for a few minutes, but came back with more info about the diet. He then told me that he thought I might be interested, given my WEIGHT. As though it is an entity unto itself. As though it warrants a mention. Suddenly, I was no longer an attractive woman wearing a nice (LOFT) ensemble, with pointy-toed slingbacks. I was Miss Piggy, with little hooves. I was (am?) a woman who appears to be struggling with her weight. Beyond depressing.

Situation 2: At (ironies of ironies) the Mighty Taco drive-thru the other day, I had no choice but to block a jeep from leaving as I waited in line. One of the men accepted my apologetic gestures, and then motioned for me to roll down my window. When I did, he yelled to me, "You're hot, so I don't mind". I laughed sort of hysterically, and felt good for about 3 minutes, until I realized that Miss Piggy probably looks pretty good from the neck up, too.

Situation 3: Each year, the American Philosophical Association has its annual meeting, which involves hundreds of academic job interviews, on Dec. 26th. This year, the meeting was cancelled, due to the east coast snowstorm. And it so happened that this revolutionized the philosophical world, because, as they say, necessity is the mother of invention. Since very few people could make the interviews, the philosophical world resorted to Skype interviews. And they discovered that this is a great way to save money. My husband, who is Chair of his dept., also pointed out that it's less sexist: people are only seen from the neck up. (As my follower, Emcy, said, a lot of smart pear-shaped people are going to get hired). He actually told me this when I got home from Mighty that day. And so, it gelled: I'm Skype-hot. Hot (if you will) from the neck up. From what you see in a Skype interview, or the car door window, I might warrant a second look. But, alas, get me out of the car, or meet me in person, and my WEIGHT has a life of its own, apparently.

Don't you think that the English language needs this word?

3 comments:

  1. LMAO! The world is now the pear's oyster!

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  2. what?! are you kidding me? a weight problem? puh-leaze! you look great! and this is being said even if you didn't have 3 kids, you still look great! thats just my own addition as everyone tells me i look great for having 4 kids and i'm like, can't i look good even if i didn't have any kids? ha, ha, female insecurities are always plentiful ;) but seriously, that relative should be drop kicked in the face!

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  3. SO funny, so so funny. Im going to use that word even though Im in a Spanish speaking country Skype HOT is the new addition to my vocab. And boy oh boy do I have a little secret for you. The Girdle. Although it is not the most comfortable and something of probably the 50's, I have fallen in love with it. Here its really common to wear after having a baby, NOT to look good but to put things back in its place and keep you from growing a "pouch" and supposedly to help you lose weight too. Not sure if it does the latter but it really does look good. I have no idea even what you look like Rose SINCE YOU NEVER POST PICS so I dont even know if you need this dear thing but, I sure do, so here I am sharing my little secret.

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