I was at a dinner the other night (ok, it was a month ago when I started this draft, for those of you who know anything about my social life) and sat next to a formidable woman, a wife of one of my husband's colleagues (btw, "colleague" is a happy medium between "friend" and "coworker"). We really don't get out in the company of the colleagues to often, so most of my socializing is within my own comfort zone. But at this dinner, here I was sitting next to someone who answered my questions abrubtly and tersely and kept swirling her wine to get it to "open up and breathe". My own glass was disappearing quickly, making it more and more likely that I voice my own thoughts, which were that she should open up and breathe. Instead, I decided to just be myself. So, I glanced up from the menu and offered to her that I'm on a low carb diet. As it turned out, she too is on a diet, and this topic launched a thousand others. Well, not really, but what she told me is that as a child she was forced to eat coal miner's portions. I quickly deduced from this a very interesting fact--that she came from coal miners. This, is in turn, led to her telling me about her very Polish/German background, her father's mental illness, which may or may not have been related to his escape from the Nazis (!), and her hatred of dirt.
All of these details actually put this woman into a framework that I could work with. No longer did I have a formidable university research psychologist sitting next to me. Who I really ended up sharing dessert with (yes, we did! At her request!) was a Polish woman, with some German blood, which made her a really hard-working, down-to-earth woman. Her tale of resealing the granite in her counter tops was just a peek into the incredible housekeeper she must be-- because she's Polish. And her success in her career is due largely to the intelligence and awesome work ethic that accompanies the Eastern European heritage.
This is my confession: when I find out someone's background, I tend to generalize and assume that traits that usually accompany this are traits they possess. I will say, though, that these traits are almost always positive.
So, when I find out someone is Irish, I can be pretty sure that an easy conversation will be had.
Or when I find out someone is Jewish, I think "Type A personality and very hospitable". This has been verified time and again by my husband's family. I literally gained 5 lbs at our last visit to my mother-in-law's. And she is almost 80 and just recently began what I think is her 4th successful career: founding a museum of Jewish heritage. Her best friend, also Jewish, went to Princeton in her 50s and is a world-renowned lecturer and author with a position at Oxford.
These are generalities (o.k., stereotypes) that I've arrived at through my own experience, so some may not agree. And I don't have an opinion on every group. But give me any of the above and I'd have a pretty robust opinion. I'll save my thoughts on Irish matriarchies for another post...
